The Depth of Love
by CraZy4SpikE09
Summary: PostTHe gift. Based on BuffySpike & Dawn. This story will make you laugh, make you cry, make your heart break, and then will mend your heart back together again!You will love this sentimental journey of courage and friendship
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: ALL ChARACTERS ARE OWNED By JOSS, BTVS, and MUTANT ENEMY. ALL HAIL JOSS. SERIoUSLY. SO PLEASe doN'T SUE Me!**

**The Depth of Love  
**  
**This fanfic is set after "The Gift". It is Spuffy. It is about Spike and Dawn's friendship growing after Buffy's death. It's about how Buffy copes after come back to life…how she slowly learns to trust Spike…and maybe even love him?**

**It is Dawn's POV. Dawn is more insightful in this story than she is in the show(I thought she was quite immature on the show for her age, so I tweaked her character). **

** originally I had in mind Buffy being jealous of spike and dawn's friendship..but I realized that's not what I was really writing about…so that summary was way off. P (woops)  
**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 1**

I knew before all the others.

I knew that he loved her.

I could see it in his eyes every time he glanced at her – that longing, desire, and yet there was so much compassion, care. I could see that beneath all those emotions was the one thing that kept him different from Angelus and Angel...that drew me closer to him. Those things...those feelings...that he had...that no one saw in him except for me...they were pure.

Okay, so he did do bad things, and the way he told Buffy that he loved her was pretty...well, stupid, to put it bluntly. Chaining someone to the wall and telling her that if she doesn't admit that she loves you that he'll let you be killed, isn't exactly my vision of a perfect lover either. But, I saw it happen. I saw him change. I saw the way he looked at her changed. Every time he was around her, he would just try to be the best man that he could be. He would try to show her how much he did love her, and not expect anything in return. And that was when there was no difference between William and Spike.

And then she was gone. I still remember him at the tower. He wept like a man who had lost the love of his life-which was true...and I looked like a girl who had lost the love of her life-which was also true. I stood at the bottom of the stairs weeping. Everyone else just stared, their eyes wide open in shock at the dead Buffy that lay before them.

Spike was the one who rose from where he was crouching. He limped over to the body, sun blazing on him, his skin sizzling, but he didn't care. He knelt before her, and wiped his tears with his hand. With that same hand he gripped hers. It was a simple gesture. No one else got what he was doing, but I did. He was promising Buffy that he would take care of everything for her...meaning...me.

I was so touched by his gesture I lost my balance and tripped on the stairs. In an instant, two strong pale hands caught me safely. I looked up at Spike and saw the tears in his eyes. His gaze was piercing my own, and I lifted my hand and caressed his cheek, as he nuzzled his face into my hand. At that moment we knew that we both were feeling exactly the same way.

Of course, I wasn't completely alone. I knew that the scoobies were there for me. But just because they were Buffy's friends didn't automatically make them my best friends. They had their own loves, their own friends to care about. Buffy was just one of the people they loved. But for me, right then, Buffy had been my mom, Buffy had been my dad, and she had been my sister. I loved her in all three ways. I loved her more than anything in the world...she was the only one besides Mom that I truly loved...and that's how it was for Spike too.

I suddenly clutched onto him as tightly as I could and rested my head on his chest. I wanted to get away from this place, and he understood that.

He turned with me in his arms and faced the rest of them. He looked at Willow and she nodded with approval. The rest, were still out of it, not able to comprehend what had just happened. He turned and ran towards the nearest sewer entrance without looking back at Buffy. I did, I stared at her body until it was out of sight and I wept into his chest until we got to my house.

I heard him whisper in a hoarse voice, "Lil' bit, you're home."

But I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

I said "No." And that's all it took for him to start in the other direction.

As he ran I started feeling incredibly nauseous and dizzy. I let out a groan, "Spike."

I woke up being lain on the couch in his damp crypt and looked up to his blue eyes staring with concern back at me.

"Niblet." He brushed his hand past my cheek and moved it a long my hair as he wove his hands through it. He lowered his head and kissed me on my forehead as I drifted fast asleep dreaming of a place with Buffy beside me.

Of course, I woke up with out her. Empty. That's how I felt. I had been part of Buffy, and before that a ball of energy...and now without her..I was just empty. And then I came to finally recall that I was in Spike's crypt. I crept downstairs slowly and cautiously. It's not like Spike and I had been best pals. He never liked me to go down there.

As I reached the bottom, I slowly placed one foot in front of the other. It was dark, and my eyes were slowly adjusting to the lack of light. I found a torch that was lit on the side of the cave and brought it with me. I found his bed, but it hadn't been slept in. I looked over to the side and found that all her pictures and her belongings had been boxed up and kept away.

Again I felt so alone, so cold, I crept under the covers of Spike's bed. Besides, it was already getting dark and I figured that vampires didn't sleep at night. I clutched the covers tight against me and fell again into a deep sleep.

I was woke up when he called my name. It was really weird. He never called me by my name.

"Dawn...Dawn," he whispered. Suddenly impatient, he shook me and harshly stated, "Dawn!"

I woke up with a jolt. "What? ..wher..Spike? What happened?"

"It's morning. Do you want some breakfast?"

Why was he acting so normal? Like nothing had happened the day before. But some how I was oddly comforted by it, so I let it pass.

"Umm...yea."

"While rise 'n shine then. How you feelin' today?" he asked with a little more concern.

"Just peachy. "

"Another phrase like I feel like ripping the whole world apart and sending every bleeding person to hell?" he asked sincerely yet comically at the same time.

"Precisely," I answered very seriously. I suddenly looked away and I could tell he was confused. So I just said, "I'm fine...how are you doing?"

He opened his mouth to answer but all of a sudden we heard yelling. It was only Xander and Willow looking for me. "Dawn! Oh my gosh Dawn we were so scared! I thought Spike was going to bring you back home, but you weren't there and we were so scared. We went looking for you everywhere! And..."

They came over to me questioning me and trying to sooth me and it was all just too noisy. I mean couldn't have some one just told them to shut up for a second? I mean they were really nice and meant well, but I didn't need them...didn't want them right then. I looked around for Spike, but he had long ago just rolled his eyes and headed upstairs for a smoke.

Willow started, "Dawnie...why don't we take you back to your house, and I promise we'll make it comfortable for you...anything you want..and Ooh! Smoothies involved!"

I laughed a little at her lame attempt to cheer me up, but she was sweet I guess. I wasn't in the mood to argue and just headed with her and Xander. I looked back at Spike as I reluctantly headed out the door and he just nodded at me, as though acknowledging that this wasn't the last time we would be seeing each other.

And it wasn't just him who knew that for sure.

End of Chapter.

You like? Should I continue? Please r&r!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm not sure if I want to make it Dawn POV the whole time or not. Hope you guys are liking this story. I am really excited about it.**

**I didn't say this in the summary or in Ch1 but the first 3 or 4Chapters will be about Dawn and Spike, and the rest of the Scoobies about how they cope with Buffy's death.  
**  
**Chapter 2**

For four nights and four days I didn't eat. But really it had been two months since her death.

I would see Spike once in a while. He would come over when they had a scooby meeting.

I didn't refuse to eat on purpose, of course. I just couldn't. It was like what Anya had cried about when Mom died.

_Anya :"I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, (sniffling) there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. (still teary) And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why._"_  
_  
Poor, naïve Anya. None of us understood it back then, and we still didn't understand it now. That five letter D-word. Death. It kills. It rips a soul from a body. And every time I thought of food I thought _'Buffy will never eat again'_. It just made it so disgusting to be eating happily, while I was the one who let her die.

Willow and Tara had moved in...I guess to take care of me.

Tara would come every once in a while to check up on me. She was so kind, had been through so much (with the crazy)...again that's because of me. It was the least I could do...be nice to her. I told her kindly and politely that I didn't want anything. She's the only one I would let up to my room. The rest of them reminded me too much of her.

Xander, Willow, Tara, Girles, and Anya were there, at her funeral. I wasn't. I couldn't. I know it sounds like I'm such a bad sister. But she knew that I loved her..so much that I couldn't bear to come...alone with her friends.

Willow and Tara came back home, while I was downstairs watching TV. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was watching. Tara came kneeled before me.

"Hey sweetie? Umm...we're gonna head over to Xander's for a bit, okay? You know, just a little scooby meeting. Nothing big."

"There a new big bad?" I inquired.

"No! no..no..It's just to make up the patrolling shifts for the next week."

"Oh. Why don't I patrol?" It was the least I could do. All of this was my fault.

"No, honey. At least not yet. Let's wait a few years, okay? Oh and Spike will be watching you" she asked sweetly.

"Alrite." She started getting up to go but I stopped her.

"Tara?"

"Yea?"

"Thanks," I said with a reassuring smile.

She pushed a little with, "If you want food, there's some in the fridge."

I didn't respond.

They left as Spike arrived.

----------------------------------------

(From "Bargaining Part 1"):

After the long conversation...

Willow says firmly, " It's time we stop talking. Tomorrow night ... we're bringing Buffy back. "

-------------------------------

Back at the house.

As soon as Spike entered. I felt like I could drop my act. I knew others were acting around me, and I hated when they did that.

"Hey you, " I said.

"Hey yourself."

He came over and pulled up a chair and sat across for me.

"So, what we up to tonight..without tearing the house down," he added with a smirk.

I did a little mock pout "Aww was looking forward to tearing this place apart."

"Up for some poker?"

"Hell yes."

"Hell? We do not use such bloody language in this house."

I giggled as he swore, himself.

"Don't worry Spike, your swearing rubs off on all of us. This one time Buffy came ho-"

As soon as I said her name, I knew all his attention was on me now. We were both pensive, unsure, as to how to react. We usually just didn't talk about her.

"Listen, you don't have to be here if you are bored."

"I'm not," he said, eyes staring down at the table.

"Really, I'm not the key anymore, remember?"

"I'm not gonna let you get hurt..not again."

That was it. He wasn't blaming himself for this.

"Spike," I said softly and this time he looked up at me.

I climbed on to his lap and hugged him tightly. It wasn't the first time. I had done it before. But this was the first time he had hugged me back...tightly. His head was buried in my shoulder, and all of a sudden I felt his body shake.

He was crying and it scared me.

But I didn't pull away. I realized he had been hiding it from me this whole time. Hiding the fact that he was as distraught as I was. He needed me as much as I needed him. I held him tighter as I told him that I needed him over and over again. By the time he pulled away, I had shed many tears too. I didn't let him go. I held his face and looked at him.

He had been my only family for the past two months. He had been my mom, my dad, and my brother, and my friend. I realized that I loved him. Haha! I know what you are thinking. Eww..Dawn loving Spike? But it wasn't what you are thinking. I didn't love him like how he loved Buffy. I loved him like how I loved Buffy. He stared back at me with teary eyes in wonder, as to what I wanted to look at him for.

There were so many scars on his face. They weren't noticable of course. They were internal scars. Ones that had affected him in his mind. Many from Buffy, probably, and the rest from I guess fighting other things. I began to feel tears forming in my eyes. I wanted to make every single scar away. Try to make him feel better. Like how he made me feel better all the time.

He closed his eyes, and I knew he was thinking of her…thinking of Buffy.

"I love you, Buffy," he said still crying.

"Spike, Spike." He opened his eyes and looked at me. I expected him to be disappointed that I wasn't Buffy...but he wasn't. "It's okay. I think maybe she knew you did."

His eyes still watery, he suddenly stood up and I fell off onto the ground. He began to walk towards the kitchen; I think he wanted to be anywhere but near me. He was probably a little embarrassed. "Let's just drop it," he told me.

"Spike...I love you," I blurted out. I don't know where it had come from. I hated to see him suffer. He was my only friend, my only brother, and basically now, my only family. He never told me he loved me, but I knew he did. He was just trying to keep his big bad image.

"Thank you for taking care of me. You're the brother I've never had. You're the father I've never had…" I got off the ground and walked over to where had stopped, and I stood in front of him. "And I feel like you're the only family I have left."

He looked at me in amazement. The gears in his mind turning and shifting, trying to accommodate what I had said.

For two hundred years, he had been waiting for someone to love him...whether it be friendly love or romantic love. And now he had heard it from a little girl. The kind of little girl who he used to love to eat...but this time it was different. The girl was different. He knew he loved me too.

" I love you too, Dawn," he replied as he caressed my hair and kissed my cheek.

I closed my eyes.

Someone loved me.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!: spuffyfan-1, kori hime, Faith04, Bridge, Spuffyluvr,**_Sway1984_**, Culf, iluvglorfindel.  
  
You guys are awesome!!!!!!! Thank you for all the feedback.  
  
ABOUT DAWN'S CHARACTER: I realize that I'm making Dawn more insightful than she really is, but that was one of the things I didn't like about her on the show. She acted so...11ish, when she was really a teenager. At least when I was 13/14/15 I was more mature than how she acted in season 5, so I kind of wanted to change her that way. (kinda makes her less annoying too). However, to keep her character intact from the show, I tried extra hard for her to be more innocent ( in this chapter, but in fact it is here that she matures a lot!  
  
I think that when Buffy comes back, I'll change the point of view...to either omniscient or Buffy's POV. What do you guys think? Please review! Well, here's chapter 3!!!!!**

****

****

**Chapter 3**  
  
We were still bound together in that hug for a while. But I never regretted it. For the first time in my life I felt warmth radiating off of Spike.  
  
He slowly pulled away, and wiped away his tears as I scrambled to wipe away mine, as well.  
  
"Want something to eat?" I asked.  
  
"Comes from the girl who hasn't eaten anything in four days..eh?"  
  
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. I didn't want him to know that I wasn't eating...because I didn't want to explain why I couldn't eat.  
  
"Oh come on now. Glenda came running to me the other day 'bout how you hadn't eaten for three days. So I said 'Alrite' and that I'd come right over to fix my girl up."  
  
I giggled. "Your girl?"  
  
Spike stroked my cheek as he spoke, "You are my girl. To protect. To love. When you are near me, I can feel _her_ close by too." He looked away for a moment and then looked back at me. "You bloody Summers women. Even your mum. Can't stop loving you all...my girls.  
  
I nodded sweetly and so he said, "Right then. So what would you like today. I can whip up something real great for ya."  
  
I gave him a whimsical look.  
  
"I can, you know. Cook. I'm a bloody good cook too. And if you poke fun at me for being a pansy I will tear you to pieces, so none of that now."  
  
I held my stomach in pain from laughing so hard...imagining Spike wearing a chef's hat and apron tossing a salad or frying eggs.  
  
"I'll just have cereal." I managed to say in between laughs.  
  
"In the night? Well okay. It's a start." 

----------------------------------  
  
I ate that night. Even though it was just cereal...and the weird thing was I wasn't feeling bad about it. And I wasn't feeling bad about not feeling bad either, but now I'm just confusing all of us.  
  
I was thinking about why that was so...why I wasn't feeling so horrible for eating. I really couldn't come up with an answer.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yea"  
  
I looked at him and his eyes were focused on the TV. He was paler, if that was possible...but I could tell he was a lot skinnier...like he hadn't eaten...well, in his case drank any blood.  
  
"Spike. Have you eaten or drank anything?"  
  
He kept his eyes focused on "Passions" and said in monotone.  
  
"Don't have to worry 'bout me, Niblet. I'm fine."  
  
"You haven't."  
  
He turned to look at me most definitely annoyed, but trying to hide it.  
  
"Spike, you can't just make me eat and then be all broody and not eat yourself. That's so cheating."  
  
"Look, Dawn. I don't need a little girl taking care of me. I am over a hundred and twenty. I can bloody well take care of myself!"  
  
By then he was yelling. He stood up and started pacing around the room blabbering to himself, like a crazy man.  
  
That was it. I was tired of his yammering. If he was going to be like Angel all night, I wasn't going to stand for it. I needed him. I needed him to be there with me. Otherwise...I'd be...alone.  
  
"Spike, if you don't eat something...then I don't know what will happen to you!"  
  
He crouched in the corner of the room and spoke, his voice clearly raspy from the outburst. Tears were evident in his eyes and there were wet trails down his cheeks.  
  
"Yea, so what of it?"  
  
"Spike, will you stop being so sarcastic and mopey for a second and listen?"  
  
I slowed down a bit, toning down my voice so I didn't have to shout over him  
  
"Ok good. Listen, I know you are really hurt, and torn apart...the love of your life being torn away from you. I understand that! I do...It's happened to me twice, in less than a year! And that's what I guess...keeps us friends, keeps us together...the fact that we understand each other. I won't let you go away. I won't let you leave me...not by staking yourself, or turning into a living skeleton...or taking a shower in holy water...or walking out into the sunlight...just don't get any ideas."  
  
Well, I was kinda heading in the wrong direction with the whole suicide thing, but I found my way back on the road.  
  
"You might be a soulless monster to everyone else, but to me you are the vampire who in many ways learned how to be more human than many men...who learned how to love without a soul, and defy the nature of his kind by helping the side of good. Because you may not know it, but if I took this chip out of your head right now, you wouldn't kill me."  
  
His eyes suddenly shot up to meet mine. He was still crouching on the ground.  
  
"I would," he replied, trying to convince himself of being a monster.  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"BlOODY HELL I WOULD!!! Because...because...I let her die. I should have saved you...and I failed....so she had to die!" he said weeping. "That just makes me a whole different monster. A creature meant to fight...failing in the job that mattered to him most. That just makes me worse than a monster...It makes me...makes me ............_pathetic_. Wasting useless buckets of salt over her...end."  
  
And it took a while for all he was saying to seep in to my brain, because it was really a lot to handle. I was really in shock. I thought Spike was just feeling horrible for her dying. Period. But he was blaming himself for her dying!? If there was anyone to take the blame it was me! I wanted to shout at him 'ME!! BLAME ME!!'.  
  
Everything was in slow motion at this point. For the past two months I had been feeling myself mature after every experience, being more reasonable, knowledgeable...letting every event make me come out a smarter and better person.  
  
And that epiphany and sudden maturity happened to me right then.  
  
I realized that I was being such a dumb-ass trying to blame myself for Buffy's death, because that wasn't the solution to anything. Blame wasn't going to bring Buffy back. Blame was just going to make my life worse, and everyone else's worse too. It was here I felt myself grow as I knelt before Spike.  
  
I stated slowly and comfortingly, "Spike, blaming yourself for her...for Buffy's death...well, let me put it this way...it's stupid."  
  
Well....at least it started out comforting.  
  
He turned his head to look at me, confused.  
  
"No I mean, you aren't stupid..........actually......you know what........you are! You sit here crying because you thought that you're the reason she died?! If anyone is to blame her, I AM!"  
  
Spike opens his mouth to rebel but I cut him off.  
  
"**But **I'm not to blame because no one is! Buffy was the slayer. Her responsibility was to protect us from evil things, and the slayer package didn't exactly come with a long life guarantee. So none of us should be put to blame over this. It's not about fault...it's about honoring her life. Living ours out the best we can...how she would want it. You _have_ to promise me you won't go blaming yourself. I'm promising you right now that I won't blame myself."  
  
I looked into his eyes and he back in mine. Now there was the Spike I knew.  
  
"Yea." He sighed in defeat, as I tossed him a bag of blood. He then looked back up at me. While squinting his eyes at me, he questioned, "So, lil' bit...when did you act all grown up...when you're still so young?"  
  
I smiled back and said, "Guess it's a Summers thing."  
  
We really sat there, basking in each other's smiles, no matter how lame it sounds. Because this was the first time we were smiling, without faking that we were truly happy. It was like a burden had been lifted off of us. Not only because Buffy would have wanted us...well at least me, to be happy, but because I felt like I was with someone who I could truly be happy with.  
  
I suddenly had the urge to do something, that I hadn't done in two months.  
  
Unsure of his reaction, I cautiously asked him, "D-do you think we could visit them?"  
  
He looked back at me, amazed by the fact that I was even slightly hesitant to ask him that and answered promisingly, "Of course we can."

-------------------------------------  
  
As we left to go to the graveyard he started, "So back there in the house...did you say I was like Angel and then call me broody??'  
  
I just smirked at him and ran ahead giggling madly.  
  
"Hey missy, get back here!! I am going to bleedin' hunt you down till you say it to my face...and then...there's no tellin' what I'll do to you!!" he yelled while chasing after me.

---------------------------------  
  
End of chapter.  
-

-

-  
This chapter isn't really too dark I presume. Please tell me how you liked it.

Next Chapter: Visiting Buffy and Joyce's Graves.


	4. Chapter 4

**I changed what happens when they try to do the spell (Just a little bit) I hate those biker demon guys....and I didn't want to have to get rid of them even after the spell and stuff....and yeah.. =)  
  
Also...I didn't really like the Buffy bot. So, after Glory knocked it's head off, no one bothered to fix it. However, the demons still didn't go crazy because the Scoobies and Giles and Spike were still there to patrol (And also...Buffy has been gone for two months before from Sunnydale..and all hell didn't break loose! You're wondering when? In between, Season 1 and Season 2...(summer when she visits LA) and also when she runs away to LA in season 3. So everything is great in Sunny-D...  
  
Hope you are liking this!**  
  
**Chapter 4**  
  
_DURING THE EVENTS OF CHAPTER 3.......  
  
(most of this is from Bargaining Part 1) _

WILLOW: Does everybody have their candles?  
  
ANYA: I'm trying, my lighter won't stay lit. (flicking lighter continuously)  
  
WILLOW: Well, hurry, it has to-  
  
TARA: What time is it?  
  
XANDER: (checks watch) A minute till midnight.  
  
WILLOW: C'mon, Anya, do you have it?  
  
ANYA: (gets the lighter lit, lights her candle) I got it, I got it. I got it.  
  
WILLOW: Okay. Start the circle. Now.  
  
They all kneel, holding their candles, except Willow who holds the Urn of Osiris.  
  
Willow produces a small jar containing (presumably) the fawn's blood, and pours it into the urn. Tara and Xander look nervous.  
  
WILLOW: Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us.  
  
She dips her finger into the urn and marks her forehead and both cheeks with the blood.  
  
WILLOW: Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing.  
  
She pours the contents of the urn onto the earth.  
  
WILLOW: Accept our offering. Know our prayer.  
  
Suddenly she jerks backward, panting, and her arms go out at her sides. Deep ugly gashes appear on her arms.  
  
XANDER: Willow! (reaches for her)  
  
TARA: No! (stuttering) She t - she told me ... she'd be tested. This is supposed to happen.  
  
WILLOW: (louder) Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over.  
  
Willow winces in pain. We see blood running from the cuts on her arms, and round shapes moving under her skin. She gives a little moan of pain.  
  
The round things move up her arms and over her chest toward her neck.  
  
XANDER: She needs help!  
  
TARA: Xander, she's strong! She said not to stop, no matter what. If we break the cycle now, it's over.  
  
They all watch anxiously. Willow continues breathing heavily.  
  
WILLOW: (yelling) Osiris, let her cross over! Aah...  
  
Willow makes choking noises as we see the round things under her skin moving up her neck.  
  
TARA: Oh my god, oh my god.  
  
Willow leans forward putting her hands on the ground, gagging. A snake head appears in her open mouth. Shot of her fingers clutching the grass. The snake slithers out her mouth and onto the ground. The others look horrified.  
  
TARA: (anxious) It's a test. It's a test. Willow...  
  
Linger on Willow leaning over the ground with her mouth still open. Willow is still encased in a tube of reddish-orange light, panting. TARA: Willow!  
  
All of a sudden, five vampires rush out from behind the trees.  
  
VAMPIRE: Well, well well, boys. Look what we have here. Four tasty humans for us to eat!  
  
The vampires stalk forward, and and Willow ignores them and keeps chanting.  
  
The leader of the vampires walks over to willow and kicks over the Urn of Osiris, shattering it.  
  
WILLOW: (screams) No!  
  
The red light dissipates and Willow falls to the ground.  
  
TARA: Willow!  
  
Tara runs forward but the vampire jumps in front of her, growling and cuts her off She screams and moves back  
  
Xander sees an opening and dashes forward, grabs Willow and pulls her out of the way just as the other two vampires rush right through the spot where Willow was lying.  
  
XANDER: (yells to Anya and Tara) Take off! Go! Go!  
  
Tara and Anya run off.  
  
Xander lifts Willow by the shoulders and pulls/shoves her into the underbrush.  
  
Tara and Anya run through the forest together with the other two vampires pursuing them. He grabs Anya and tries to bite her neck.  
  
TARA: Anya!  
  
Tara stops running.  
  
TARA: Dissolvo!  
  
A ball of blue light flashes from Tara to the vampire, knocking Anya free. She hits the ground and rolls as the vampire is knocked unconscious. Tara runs to Anya, helps her up and they continue running.  
  
Cut to Xander in a different part of the forest, carrying Willow. He stops, puts her down with her back against a tree. She begins to regain consciousness.  
  
XANDER: Willow. Willow, are you okay?  
  
WILLOW: (weakly) Did it work?  
  
XANDER: (shakes head) I'm sorry.  
  
Willow passes out again.  
  
Xander kneels there on the ground with Willow lying across his lap. He looks around nervously. The leader of the pack can still be heard.  
  
VAMPIRE: LOOK for them! They are bound to be in the woods around here somewhere!

* * *

NOW- 2 1/2 HOURS LATER...It was a silent walk .We didn't say much...just a few words here or there. It wasn't awkward silence, but it was silence. It wasn't long before we stood face to face with an entrance into the graveyard.  
  
We took a deep breath, and looked at each other before stepping onto the grounds that we had been so distraught to even think about. I laced my fingers with his as we walked past a number of graves.  
  
Occasionally, we would read one or two before moving on, and there it was.  
  
Joyce Summers  
  
Loving and Loved Mom and Friend  
  
Spike reached into his coat to pull out something, and I was surprised when I saw that it was a bouquet of flowers.  
  
"You were planning on visiting?" I asked.  
  
"Well, yeah. I didn't know if you wanted to. But I felt like I was ready."  
  
I smiled at him as he knelt before her grave, and I did the same.  
  
He laid the flowers before her, and closed his eyes as though in a silent prayer...not a prayer to a god or anything...but just kind of like a well- wishing...to wherever Mom was. And it inspired me...Spike inspired me, by his gesture to do the same.  
  
I crouched down beside him, imitating his posture and spoke to my mother in my mind.  
  
'_Hey Mom...I'm really sorry that I haven't visited you in such a long time. It's just that, I didn't want to see two graves... But I've grown a lot since then...since you left and since two months ago. It's weird, but I kinda like it...being able to make adult-like decisions and help others.  
  
I feel kind of bad, for Buffy's friends. I know they are my friends too, but I don't think I'll be best pals with them...at least for a while. I've got Spike with me now.  
  
I know it's so random...It's like 'SPIKE? The guy who tried to kill my daughter?' But I know you mommy. I know that you liked him...you let him into your home...offered him support in his crisis. (She chuckles a bit...but not too much because she didn't want to disturb Spike). With the marshmallows and the hot chocolate. I knew you saw the side of him that none of us did. And now...like you helped him out, he helps me out and I help him out. I love him...well duh, like a brother. And he loves me, and he told me he loves you too. He loves all three of us, whether we are alive or not, human or not...key or not.  
  
I love you, Mom. I miss you. I hope you are happy where you are, watching over me...with her...with Buffy. I hope you are proud of me. I hope I make you proud.'_

................................

_'Joyce...I really don't know what to say, but something made me want to come here tonight. Yea. I'm here...  
  
(A minute passes by)  
  
...I don't know if you really ever liked me, but I just wanted you to know that I really did like you. I loved you...because...because you were the only person, besides Dawn, in the whole lot of them who actually treated me like a man...rather than a monster...  
  
I really wish you were here...because just having the hot chocolate and marshmallows isn't the same when you aren't the one handing me that mug...and telling me stories to make me feel better.  
  
What really is bothering me is...if she's up there with you? Yeah, Buffy. 'Cuz she might be trapped in some hell right now. Oh bugger! Not to give you a scare or anything, I'm sure she's doing just peachy.  
  
Okay...you're right. I'm not fooling you. I don't know where she is, or how she's doing...heaven ...or the other places..._hells_. Different hell dimensions. When she jumped into that portal, who knows where here soul could have gone. I just hope she's safe right now.  
  
I love Dawn. She is a part of me. And you never understood when you were here, that my love for your elder was never a sick little game. I still love her, I now love Dawn, and I love you.  
  
I hope that's enough to regain your respect for me. Thanks.'_

When he opened his eyes, I was next to him with my eyes still closed. He stood up and leaned against Joyce's neighbor, lighting himself a cigarette.  
  
I opened my eyes and slowly got up. I gave him a light but reassuring smile as he returned it himself. We faced the rest of the open graveyard with the task before us – to find Buffy's grave.  
  
We'd found Mom's right away, of course. We'd been there before. I'd been to her funeral. But neither, Spike nor I had any idea where Buffy was buried. As we meandered through the maze of stones, my hand found his as I squeezed it slightly. I could sense his anticipation, because he was breathing slightly harder...and last time I checked...vampires didn't breath. I'm sure that he sensed my heartbeat speeding as well. It wasn't like I wasn't nervous. I was unsure of how I was gonna react.  
  
And then all of a sudden we had stopped and were standing before it.  
  
BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS  
  
1981-2001  
  
BELOVED SISTER  
  
DEVOTED FRIEND  
  
SHE SAVED THE WORLD  
  
A LOT  
  
We just stood there, gazing at it, almost like we didn't believe it actually existed.  
  
Spike was about to reached into his coat another time and brought out a second bouquet of flowers. He was about to lay it before the grave, but stopped midway and stood straight again.  
  
"What," I asked. "What's the matter?"  
  
He reached for my hand and placed it over the hand in which he was holding the flowers in.  
  
He said softly, looking into my eyes, "It's from the both of us. Our best wishes for her."  
  
I nodded.  
  
I didn't know what else to do. I was dumbfounded, unable to respond.  
  
We both kneeled and together we placed the flowers on her grave. We sat in silence at her grave. It wasn't like with Mom, saying a small prayer or sending a message. Because, we really didn't know where Buffy was. It didn't feel right, and for some reason it felt like something was yet to come.  
  
He and I just sat in front of it, thinking...mostly about her. Mostly thinking about how much we loved her. I knew he was telling her over and over in his mind how much he loved her...how much he still loved her...that he would never stop loving her. And I did the same.  
  
We ended up laying on the grass together, right above where she was buried. Neither of us cried. That wasn't a bad thing. He held me as we just lay together, above her...dreaming of her. Wishing she was there between us, and we could both lay in her arms.  
  
After about ½ an hour I slowly got up, and he did the same.  
  
I suddenly shrieked when out of nowhere a gang of vampires appeared ready to take us on. But I smiled. Spike was there. He threw me a cross and told me to go behind the trees as he rushed the vampires.  
  
I sprinted to the nearest large tree and crouch behind it. I found a branch that was sharp enough to stake a vamp with...just incase.  
  
Spike immediately staked one vampire, but was soon ganged up by the other four. He burst out of their grasp, and punched one of them square in the jaw. Dropping low, he dodged a punch and tripped the other vampire and staking it.  
  
He said to himself, "Two down...two to go." As he faced the other two.  
  
But then I thought to myself 'Wait...weren't there FIVE VAMPS?'  
  
I swiftly turned around and just as I had turned, a vampire had launched itself at me. I screamed as loud as I could and launched the stake straight threw his heart. As I opened my eyes, when everything was quiet, I looked around me, spotting no one. I looked down at a pile of dust and gave myself a wide smile  
  
Spike walked over to where I was and gave me a grin.  
  
"My Niblet's growing up fast, eh?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Turnin' out like her sister."  
  
"I always knew I could fight 'em... So now can I patr-" "Never."  
  
Although I gave him a pout, it was actually quite comical. Two years ago...I wouldn't have believed it if anyone told me that Spike would have been the one to protect me...to shelter me....to laugh with me....to cry with me... and _love_ me.

I knew what I wanted to ask him next. The question had been lingering in my mind the whole night.  
  
"So...since...we are with the whole needing each other thing...do you wanna move in?...I mean...I guess you could have the basement...or you could sleep next to my bead on the floor, or on the couch...or – "  
  
I was cut off by him, "Yeah. I'll talk to the witches about it."

I was kind of taken aback by his sudden answer. I guess that meant he wanted to.  
  
He gave me the sweetest smile, and it caught me by surprise. I smiled back but then it turned in to a grin.  
  
I said, "You better mister!" as we walked back towards that house on Rovello Drive.

* * *

Back at the graveyard at Buffy's grave.  
  
Suddenly a hand bursts out from below, then another hand, then Buffy's head and shoulders. She gasps for air, pulls herself up onto the grass, lies there panting. She looks around at the dark forest, very fearfully.

* * *

End of Chapter!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW 


	5. Chapter 5

**

* * *

I reformatted and Edited Chapter 4...Just a little bit...so if you wanna kind of reread that(the story wasn't changed or anything)...I'm not sure whether some of you have read that version or not, but if you would like, just check (  
  
Thanks to Panda-kun, Iluvglorfindel, Spuffyluvr, Solus in Mors Mortis, star2421, Bridge, Soulful-Spikes-True-Love, pixiecorn, Sway1984, and Faith04. You guys are great! Seriously. I love you all.  
  
This is going to be different from season six.**

****

**Chapter 5**  
  
Anya was scared. Tara and she had arrived at Xander's apartment and had been waiting for over half an hour, but there was no sign of neither he nor Willow yet.  
  
They were both extremely anxious as Anya spoke, impatiently, "Where are they? They should have been here by now!"  
  
Tara, being rational responded, "C-calm down. I'm s-sure they'll be here soon. They might have just gotten lost in the woods, but they're both smart. They'll be here.  
  
But in all honesty, Tara wasn't so sure if they were all right.  
  
Anya, forcing herself to be convinced that they were okay, said, "Nah. They aren't lost!....They aren't lost...right?"

* * *

..  
  
"Great, we're lost," Xander muttered to himself. He was wandering through the woods carrying an exhausted and unconscious Willow in his arms. He himself was tired, both emotionally and physically.  
  
He felt movement in his arms, and looked down to see Willow's eyes flutter open. He quickly set her down against a tree.  
  
"Willow. Willow," he whispered. "How you doing?"  
  
"Wha- where are we?"  
  
"We're still in the woods...and we're kinda lost."  
  
Willow, still half dazed replied, "Great. Just what a girl wants to hear, in the middle of the night...out in the woods...after she's just screwed up her only chance to bring her best friend back."  
  
Xander looked away from her as she said that.  
  
"It wasn't your fault. It was none of ours. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."  
  
"...yea..I guess."  
  
He gave her a light smile. ............... ..........

* * *

"Look...we gotta find some way to help them, guide them. You're a witch...don't you have a spell or something you could- "  
  
"Oh my god! Of course!"  
  
She ran to the round table, shoved all the stuff off of it and climbed up on it, sat cross-legged and put her hands on her knees.  
  
"Your gonna help them with yoga?" Anya remarked.  
  
" Ssh! (eyes closed) Aradia, hear my words."

* * *

"So...we gonna get out of here or what?" Xander said. 

"Yea...I can't walk yet though. That spell really took a lot out of me."

"Yea. We all saw."

It was silent for a few moments.

Xander felt Willows eyes travel up to look at him so he looked back at her....but here eyes weren't on him. It looked like they were looking at something behind him. He swiftly turned around and saw a small blue light traveling towards them.

"Wha-What is that? Should we hide?" he whispered, nervously.

Willow smiled and just walked towards it.

"No-no! There's no need to be scared. It-it's Tara."

Willow pushed away from the tree and followed the light as it moves off.  
  
"Come on, Xander."  
  
She moved past Xander and on through the trees. Xander followed.

"And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell? "

* * *

Xander and Willow came home safely. Anya and Tara were relieved.But...everything wasn't all hunky-dory anymore. Before, it was okay because all of them knew there was a _chance_ of Buffy coming back. But now...with the Urn of Osiris destroyed...along with their only try...there was no way she was coming back. The disappointment was weighing them down like a ton of bricks. It hurt...it stung...but they had to live with it now. 

They just stood there...neither of them saying anything. Because...there was nothing to say...

* * *

Buffy crawled out of the hole in the ground grasping for air. She slowly got to her feet, turned and stared at the headstone with her name on it. 

She frowned in confusion and disgust. Her eyes widened in shock as she got it. She had died, and she thought she was in heaven...but now...

She was in hell. 

Tears stung in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks, she tried to run. But her attempts only came out like limps. She staggered out of the graveyard and out onto the street.

The deserted streets, the stores, and coffee shops...It all seemed- so un-hell like. (A/N: It's 4AM. That's why the street's are deserted). Was this some sort of a joke? Was hell trying to drive her crazy?

She suddenly choked, realizing she hadn't breathed in over 20 seconds, and her breaths now came out ragged.

Some homeless men stared at her as she struggled for air. One man came over and said, "Ma'am are you okay?"

She wrenched herself from his grasp and just stared at him, repulsed.

"Fine. Suit yourself!" he remarked as he turned away from her and walked the other direction.  
  
It was all too much. She couldn't take it. She ran. As fast as she could until she all of a sudden she saw something that caught her fascination.  
  
A tall tower. She didn't remember why she was so intrigued by it. She felt like she had to climb it. Be up there...and she knew why.

She wanted to end her life. She wanted to be back...in heaven.

* * *

As we walked back home, I felt a sudden chill go up my spine. I came to a stop, causing Spike and stopped as well, as I looked behind me. 

"What's wrong-?" He stopped and looked up in the direction I was looking at, and his features changed to a look of realization.

I was looking up at the tower that Glory had built. I had barely gone out of the house this summer. This was the first time I was encountering it, and it stung. As I looked up at it, the memories of two months ago all came pouring back into me. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder, but didn't acknowledge it.  
  
I started running towards it. It was like an impulse. I suddenly felt desperate to be somewhere where I felt her all around me...surrounding me. Yet I wanted to be alone. Yes... Even away from Spike.  
  
I could hear him yelling behind me. "DAWN! DAWN! Argh!! Bloody women!"

And I knew he was probably coming after me.

Yet I charged up the stairs of the tower, not looking down or up until I head reached the top...the platform. I looked straight ahead of me and was extremely astonished to find a girl, with her back facing me, standing at the edge of the tower.

I clenched my jaw. Sh-She was trying to end her life...going to jump! But I wasn't going to let her. The whole situation was all too familiar for me. I wasn't going to let someone else do it, too. No-Not this way.

"Wait!" I yelled. "Don't do this!"

She didn't budge, but I continued speaking to her. I felt dizzy as I walked closer. Everything about her reminded me of Buffy...her hair...her height...clothes...this place.

I could feel the tower squeak beneath me, and I knew Spike was almost up here. When I reached her I touched her shoulder she turned and...

There she was... my eyes went wide in shock... I-I didn't know what to do...what to think...she was standing there...right in front of me! I felt the tears in my eyes, but pushed them back for now.

"Buffy," I said...more to myself than to her. She looked straight into my eyes.

I cupped her cheek to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. I felt her smooth skin against my hand...meaning...she-she was _alive_! My Buffy was alive!!

I could hear Spike panting a few floors down. "Dawn! Thank God. You scared me half to death ... or more to death. You - I could kill you. I mean it. I could rip your head off one-handed and drink from your – "  
  
I knew he had reached the top when he had stopped. I reached up and cupped her cheek as she looked back at me.

I turned to him and said, "Look."

* * *

The first thing that went through his mind was that it was a dream. He had always dreamt about her. He subtly pinched his side and grimaced out of pain. Nope. It wasn't. This wasn't a dream...which meant...it was _real_. She was real..sh-she was here. Right there-Right there in front of him...to touch, to hug, to kiss...to _love_.

He felt the urge to be at her side that second...have her in his arms. Or the other way around. Be in her arms...and weep. Because she was back...he was so happy. He had lived just about forever and just this moment made every single moment of pain he had ever experienced...worth it. To see her back...it was just too much.

He wanted to touch her so bad...but he didn't. He shook his head at himself...at his naivety. She would end his life....right there and then if he touched her...at least right now.

He just stood there...gaping at her. Like she was an angel sent from heaven down to him. All he was...was blessed to be within miles of such a beauty. She might not have loved him, but he didn't let that get to him. He felt honored to be able to love her. He truly was.

* * *

Buffy POV

She saw her sister, staring back at her wide-eyed...like a deer caught in headlights. She turned back around...she didn't want to be here. She had already been there...where all people only dream of being-...heaven. But she had been pulled out and dropped into something she now realized...was a subset of some form of hell. She took one more look at Dawn, and then glanced at Spike.

She forced herself not to scoff. She knew that he loved her. But c'mon, it was kind of pathetic. There was no way there could ever be anything between them...and he knew that...and yet he was there...with Dawn...now watching her intently...his bright blue eyes boring into hers.  
  
She swiftly turned back around facing the only way out...the way back to where she had been fully happy for the first time.

* * *

Back to Dawn POV

She wanted to jump...and I didn't know why. Didn't she realize it was me!? Didn't she want to be with me?

"Buffy! Don't jump! Please.... Please?....it's me! Dawn, your sister. ... I love you." I stated innocently.

Buffy stared intensely at the concrete two hundred feet below.

Moments from her past were all coming back to her now.

One was of her, Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Giles in high school.

"Please...Buffy! Don't leave me. You told me to be strong, b-but I just couldn't. You were my everything...and then all of a sudden you were gone...and..."

The next memory was of Angel, and them kissing, and then Angel leaving.

"...it's not just me that missed you. We all did. Willow, Tara, Xander, Giles, Anya...and _Spike_."  
  
Spike gazed up hopefully towards his love.

The memories of Spike flowed through Buffy's mind...his arrogance, is annoying-self...yet his dedication to protect Dawn. She had to give him some credit.

"Please! Step away from the edge." ...the memory of her mother dying... And then...the memories of Glory, me being the key, and her jumping off THIS tower before...to her end...they all came rushing back to her.

She turned to me once again. We were a good five feet apart.

"Yea..that's it. Come this way."

Her voice was barely audible as she spoke. "Is-is this hell?"

My eyes were as wide as saucers, as I took a step towards her. "No! Of course not. Thi- Ah!!!"

The tower had been creaking more and more with each step someone took. And my one step...although I really didn't think I was THAT fat, caused one of the base legs of the tower to crumble, and lean to one side.

As I screamed I knew I was losing my balance. There was no railing up there...nothing, as I felt myself falling. I looked up at Buffy with a look of horror on my face.

If this was my end, I wanted the last picture in my mind to be of her. "BUFFY!" I yelled.

But I didn't know if I was getting through to her. She still looked so oblivious of everything around her...like she didn't even realize what was going to happen to me. My body was in midair and I knew I was going to die.

And it was then my sister realized that I was going to fall..."Dawn!"....but she was too late. I closed my eyes tightly waiting for my end...

...but it never came. Instead, I felt two strong arms catch me. And I looked up at him...my savior...my _hero_.

"Spike." I smiled in relief. "You saved me."

My life had almost ended and he had been there to catch me...like he had promised he would be. He really did love me.

He had tears in his eyes. His cheeks were stained with them now. But he wasn't ashamed of them.

His voice all distorted because of all his crying, came out hoarse as he held me close to him and spoke. "You thought I was gonna let YOU fall? Hahaha The one girl who has believed in me the whole time? Niblet...there is no bloody way I will let anything happen to you."

I smiled knowingly at him.

"Plus, I made a promise to a lady," he said looking up at Buffy. "...To protect You."

Buffy looked up at him surprised, and gave him a half-hearted smile. His heart was going to burst. He felt as though it could beat again. But Buffy's mind was elsewhere...in some other disposition.

We felt another leg crumble beneath us and that was it. Spike wanted out. He lifted me up once more, and grabbed on to Buffy's hand. Right now, he didn't care what she thought. She was alive now and there was no way he was going to let her go again. We raced ...well technically they raced down the stairs, out of the lot, across the street, and yet they kept running till the tower was clearly a distance away.

After setting me down, Spike looked over at Buffy who was still staring at the heap of metal that used to be the tower.

"Buffy?" He wasn't really looking for anything from her, and she knew that. He just wanted to know if she was okay. I got up, happily, as though the whole near death experience was just an average thing as I hugged her tightly.

As she was in my arms I exclaimed, "I can't believe you're here. I mean you're actually alive. Thi—This.... I love you Buffy."

But the thing that I didn't see....the thing that I didn't know...was that...Buffy didn't look happy at all as she hugged me back...

...And Spike could tell.

* * *

End of Chapter! Please review!! Tell me if you liked how I did this!! And please give some suggestions of what you would like to see in the future!! 


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to iluvglorfindel, Sway1984, and Spuffyluvr. How come only three people reviewed this time?? I'm depressed.  
  
Chapter 6**

****   
  
There were no words said on the way home.  
  
Everything was a blur. Nothing had processed in my mind yet, as we walked home. I took her hand in mine, but she seemed so cold. She seemed so stiff and so far away. I didn't understand it, and it didn't look like she wanted to talk. She looked so frail and thin...so _tired_. I couldn't put her to blame, but it just felt so bad...for her not to even look at me. She just stared straight in front of her, as though in some other world of her own, and dragged her bare feet along the sidewalk.  
  
I let go of her hand after a minute or so and looked over to my other side, where he was. I looked at him, adoring him. He was staring at her, with such devotion...such pure love...and concern. His love for her was radiating off of him like the sun's heat waves do in the daytime. _How could Buffy be so oblivious to all of his care for her?_  
  
I moved closer to him as we walked and gave his hand a tight squeeze. He looked at me after feeling my hand interlocked with his. Unshed tears were evident in his eyes and held my hand even tighter. There was fear in his eyes...the cause for that fear was unknown to me, but I didn't question it right now.  
  
She was looking at us. I could feel her eyes boring into my hands. _I didn't care_. She was probably disgusted, and I didn't care.  
  
My head was spinning. As she watched us, I felt sickened by my own actions. Definitely not about the holding hands with Spike thing. But, I mean, my sister, who I thought was dead...gone...and now she was here standing before me, and what was I doing...or rather **not** doing?  
  
I was **not** with her right now! I mean, she had come straight out of wherever she had been...and I was here with Spike...who was always here...who had always been here. She needed me _now_ more than ever, and I wasn't even doing my job of being there for her!  
  
I turned my head to look at her, and her eyes shot up at me...almost questioning me like I was crazy.  
  
I read those eyes, questioning me as to why I was holding hands...with this..._thing_.  
  
It stung me real bad, that she didn't understand how much of a man Spike really was.  
  
I moved closer to her, not letting go of his hand, and I grasped hers with mine. She would understand in time. I gave her a small smile, and she returned it with a stiff one of her own.

* * *

"Home sweet home," he said as we came upon our house on Rovello Drive.  
  
He let go of my hand and went to unlock the door.  
  
Barely above a whisper, Buffy questioned, "You have a key to our house?"  
  
I opened my mouth to defend him, but he spoke before I could. His words weren't harsh, and if he was hurt by her words he didn't show it.  
  
He told her with comfort in his tone, "Yeah. Umm, I promised you I'd take care of Niblet here, and she figured...well we figured it would be easier for me to check up on her if I had a key...and umm...if I needed to come over to get something, I could get it...myself."  
  
"Oh," was all she said in return.  
  
"Right then," I said quietly to break the silence. "Let's get you cleaned up inside."  
  
I opened the door widely, and then cursed myself forgetting something huge. The gang. They were all there in the living room. Oh shit.  
  
I looked at Spike wide-eyed and I heard him curse. "Oh, bloody hell."  
  
"Dawn?...Dawn? Spike? Is that you two?" Willow asked while running over to the door.  
  
She came in front of the door and stopped.  
  
She plastered on a fake smile, although she was really in pain.  
  
"Hey!....Okay...," she started tentatively. She was just starting to rebuild her relationship with me, and didn't want to screw it up now...especially because there was no chance of Buffy being back.  
  
"As much as it's great that that you're starting to get out Dawn, I really wish you wouldn't scare me like- Oh do we have company?"  
  
Willow craned her neck to look at who the visitor was, but couldn't quite see. Spike was standing in the way and the look on his face was priceless.  
  
Buffy was doing everything she could, to not be seen. She knew that Willow would be totally shocked and then everyone else would come and she would be bombarded with questions. And that was the Last thing she wanted right now.  
  
She clung on to the back of Spike's coat, like a baby to her daddy.  
  
Spike felt her at his back, holding him, and he was trying his best to keep himself calm. He felt his whole body shudder under her touch.  
  
"So aren't you going to let...her...in....guys?" Willow inquired.  
  
I figured it would be best to kind of prepare her for this, so I gave it my best shot.  
  
"You see. Umm Willow. I don't know how this happened. I didn't do anything...I mean the thing with my mom was different...but this time..."  
  
Willows eyes grew wide and her mouth turned into a huge grin.  
  
I wasn't sure if she got it...I hadn't even told her the news yet.  
  
She shrieked, while Buffy cringed. I saw Spike reach behind and give her hands a squeeze. Realizing who she was grabbing on to Buffy immediately let go.  
  
"Oh my god!! Guys!! It worked!!!!!"  
  
Willow shoved past me and Spike with teary eyes and gave Buffy a big bear hug. Meanwhile the rest of them had gathered around. Anya and Tara had the dear-caught-in-headlights look, while Xander's jaw had dropped down to the floor.  
  
"Merciful Zeus," Xander stated, lamely.  
  
"Oh my god Buff! It worked!!" Willow said, happily. "We did a spell to bring you back, and now..."  
  
I saw Spike fuming.  
  
His jaw was locked and when he spoke, I could tell that he was holding back so much anger that it scared me.  
  
"You. You soddin' ....YOU all did a SPELL?"  
  
Xander stepped up.  
  
"Yeah. So what's your point peroxide-boy?"  
  
"You pathetic little monkey. You lot didn't even bother to tell me! I stood by you all through the summer...and you repay me by doing a spell that has changed me forever...and doing it behind my back??"  
  
He had a point. It had been behind my back too. But what I didn't understand was why he was so angry besides that. I mean sure, they hadn't told us...but there must've been a legitimate reason. And plus...it's not like the spell hadn't worked or anything...It had worked...so then what was the matter?  
  
"Spike..."  
  
But he ignored my attempts to calm him down.  
  
After Spike's angry accusations, Xander as well as everyone else were quiet. They had suddenly found the threshold quite interesting, like an excuse to explain their actions, but Spike brought them back to reality.  
  
He scoffed and enlightened them. "See, I've got you all figured out...You," he says pointing to Xander, "and Anya. You guys might not have figured it out. But I have. The witches...well, Willow, at least knew there was a chance that she'd come back wrong."  
  
Willow looked downwards as I looked at her. I was thinking...how Buffy was taking all of this. She was standing here listening to everyone talk about her. When I looked over at her though, she was just staring at Spike.  
  
Her face was unreadable. I stepped towards her and whispered. "Do you wanna..umm go upstairs or something?"  
  
She just shook her head saying 'No." and stood where she was. She wanted to listen.  
  
Spike continued his rant. "...That she would come back so wrong that you'd have ... that she would have to get rid of what came back. And I wouldn't let her. If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her. And that's why she shut me out. You got that monkey boy?"  
  
Spike didn't dare look at Buffy right now. He really wanted to, but he was so frightened that he would soon find her fist in his face that he didn't.  
  
I once again peered over at my sister, but her face hadn't changed at all. Not even after that declaration of his attachment to her. I would have melted for anyone if I had known that they had been so distraught after my passing.  
  
But even after all of this. Xander wouldn't stay silent. He wasn't going to let Spike go on about Willow this way. She was his best friend. And so was Buffy...they wouldn't let there be risks like that and still do the spell. There had to be some explanation.  
  
"What are you talking about? Willow wouldn't do that...right Willow?"  
  
Willow's gaze hadn't moved from the floor. But Tara stepped behind Willow and put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"I think you guys should back off of Willow for a second. Okay, we did know that there was a chance that...it might not have worked...okay? And we wouldn't have done it if we hadn't been so sure that nothing would go wrong!!"  
  
Spike really liked Tara, but this was just too much.  
  
"Is that so. So umm, okay," he started sarcastically. "So guys, gannngg, how come you guys just left Buffy there to claw her way out of her grave if you knew that you're spell had worked great?...Huh?"  
  
No one answered.  
  
"COME ON! TELL ME! TELL ME WHY YOU SODDIN' LEFT YOUR BEST FRIEND IN HER GRAVE!!!!!"  
  
Everyone was silent, but all of a sudden I heard sobbing coming from someone. I sharply turned my head towards the sound and realized it was...Buffy. She pushed her way through everyone and jet up the stairs to her room.  
  
Spike said in a much softer voice, realizing that he had really frightened Buffy. "I think you all better leave. Dawn and I will take it from here."  
  
But, Xander...he just wouldn't give up. "Look. Who are you to tell me to not see my frien-"  
  
"Don't even say it. You aren't her friends. Not right now."  
  
Willow spoke up for the first time in many minutes.  
  
"So...Dawnie..."  
  
I looked up at her. I had stayed out of this 'conversation' the whole time...and I really didn't want to be caught up in it.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"So...do you want us to stay...or should we- "  
  
I didn't want to get caught up in it, but I knew I had to do what was right.  
  
"I think you should leave..."  
  
Spike looked at me with pride.  
  
"...for now. We can take care of ...of Buffy."  
  
They looked so disappointed. And Tara, who had looked after me for two months...  
  
I quickly added in, "But..maybe after I dunno a week or something...maybe you can visit her..."  
  
Their hopeful eyes gave us a small smile and they all got in the car and drove off.  
  
I let out a huge breath I hadn't realize I was holding in, and Spike suddenly pulled me into a hug. As we released he stroked my hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek. We walked up the stairs hand in hand, and I knew he heard me breath faster. I was so nervous. I took a tentative step into Buffy's room and saw her looking around. I figured it to see if anything had been changed.  
  
I was about to speak but she spoke before I did, which startled me. "A lot of things have changed."  
  
Huh? I thought to myself. And then I realized she meant about the house.  
  
"Yeah...well sort of."  
  
"Mom's room..."  
  
"..Yeah...Willow and Tara live here now."  
  
"...are they...?"  
  
"Oh...No...no...I sent them away."  
  
Buffy turned and sat on her bed towards us.  
  
"Thank you," she said with a small smile.  
  
She suddenly got up again, swearing, realizing she had just sat on her bed with her soiled dress.  
  
I realized this too.  
  
"Hey, let's get you cleaned up."  
  
"Umm..yeah. I think..that may be a good idea."  
  
She was always quiet when she spoke. Not like the usual Buffy, I knew. But I mean, no one could have blamed her. I overheard Willow and Tara talking about hells Buffy could have been stuck in. I from hell. Must have been a big shock right now.  
  
Buffy gave an unsure look at Spike as she walked towards the bathroom.  
  
He took that as his cue and spoke soothingly, "I'll just be downstairs then. Dawn, you got it from here." He looked at her specifically and said, "If you need anything...If you want to talk or -"  
  
He didn't finish his sentence and just rushed down the stairs.  
  
I looked at Buffy who was just staring after him...like she was scared that he had found out something....  
  
What was that all about? Was there something...that I had missed out on...that everyone else knew?  
  
Or...it could just be Spike...starting to get broody...I shrugged it off.  
  
I followed Buffy into the bathroom, taking a deep breath, and closed the door behind me.  
  
Unsure of which turns my life would take now...I didn't know...I guess I just had to wait and see...

* * *

End of Chapter!!  
  
Please Review! 


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to those who reviewed: Takeshi of Gondor, iluvglorfindel, and Faith04!**

**Chapter 7**

As soon as we were inside the bathroom, I began getting out a towel from the drawer and filling the tub with water.

"So," I said, while doing my work, "I figured that you can just take a nice warm bath. It'll get the dirt off and – "

I paused because she was just sitting on the toilet seat staring off into space.

"Are you okay, Buffy?"

I knelt before her and looked into her eyes.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" I knew she was probably sensitive right now so I asked carefully.

"Spike. Does-Does he live here too?" she asked me.

I smiled at her question. So that's what she was puzzled about this whole time. And that explained why she was staring after Spike in such weird ways.

"Was that the question that has been on your mind?"

She nodded, but what I didn't know was that she was lying to me. That wasn't what was bothering her, but it was one of the many questions she had.

"So..um. Does he?"

"Yep! Well- er no. Not technically. He still lives in his crypt. But he spends most of his time with me, so basically it's like he's living here. I asked him to live here from now on, earlier tonight."

"...And you're okay with this?" she wondered.

"Yeah...why wouldn't I be? He's like my best friend."

"You think you love him," she said, frankly. I didn't know whether she meant like love love...or just love like a brother, but I answered her question.

"Yeah. I do. And he told me he loved me."

"How? Why would you - ...Dawn, you don't love him."

I looked at her unbelievably. "What, of course I- "

"No, Dawnie," she said running a hand up and down my arm. "I think you are misunderstanding yourself. You can't love him. He-he is a killer! A monster! An evil soulless vampire. You're still young and can't see this. He might be nice to you, but that doesn't change what he is."

I shook my head and smiled at her ignorance. It hadn't surprised me in any way. In fact, it was just the reaction I had expected.

"You say that. But you don't even know him."

She started to interrupt me, but I wouldn't let her.

"Buffy, you haven't been here for about two months. He isn't the same guy he was two months ago. He isn't just some stupid vampire who is obsessed with you. Heck, he isn't the same guy he was a week ago. And I know exactly what is changing him."

"And what is that?" She asked sharply, certainly getting annoyed.

"Me. And you. Every day that he is around us, he becomes a little more human. Sure, he still is a vampire. But you know what, I see his soul and he doesn't even have one. He has protected me, not like a bodyguard...not like it's some task...and not just because he had promised you...but like...(I looked into her eyes)...like I was the only family he had...like I was his life."

Buffy simply stared downward. I could tell that she still didn't understand, but I could see a few gears starting to turn in her head. Good sign.

"Buffy, you just have to believe in him, and then... _you'll see the _real_ Spike_ ."

I smiled at her, indicating that I wasn't all depressed that she questioned me.

"You get in the bathtub. If you need anything, I'll be right here."

The door clicked shut as I walked towards her room, and cleaned it up a bit. I wiped the comforter of her bed, where the dirt had stained it a little bit, from her dress. I then walked over to the closet and selected a pajama bottom and a tank top to sleep in. I walked mechanically around the room doing all this for a good ten minutes, because the whole time, I was thinking about our conversation in the bathroom, and about Spike. Everyone thought he was a killer, because that was the easy way out. The easy way out was to blame it on the demon inside him. But they don't see...they just don't see it...

I quickly dropped the clothes on the bed and flew down the stairs. I walked slowly into the family room to see the TV on, and the back of his head turned to his favorite soap- _Passions _.

(A/N: WHAT BUFFY EXPERIENCES IN THIS CHAPTER IS UNKNOWN TO DAWN AT THIS POINT IN THE STORY. I'M JUST TELLING THE STORY FROM DAWN'S POV, AS THOUGH SHE'S TELLING EVERYTHING AFTER THE STORY HAPPENED)

Meanwhile, Buffy stepped out of the bathtub feeling more relaxed than before. She quickly changed into her PJs, but still she felt queasy, and dizzy, and out of place.

She didn't know if she could take it anymore. Being the Slayer. Being...just alive in this world. How could she live, knowing what heaven was like? She tried to be strong, or at least act strong for me. She did love me. I was her life now. She loved her friends, but they were the ones who had done it...brought her back. And she really didn't want to see them. She was too scared of how she would act in front of them. They were all depressed about leaving her there to claw her way out of her grave. She didn't care about that though.

She looked down at her knuckles. They were still bleeding, but they would heal eventually. She sighed and looked over at the scissors on her desk and contemplated whether she should just stab herself now and get it over with.

She snatched the scissors and held it up to her gut...but she couldn't do it. She dropped them on the bed and cried.

She cried, and no one could know why she grieved. She had to keep it to herself ...forever. No one could know.

Cursing at her knuckles, blood still seeping through her skin, she hastily wiped her tears, and headed downstairs to take care of them. She hoped that this internal wound would heal like her knuckles, soon enough.

---------------------------------------------

Spike usually didn't like to hug...just for no reason. But I felt the urge to hug him so bad right now. I was desperate. I needed to show him, how much I did appreciate the way he took care of me and loved me, even though no one else acknowledged this help much.

Okay. The plan was this: I was going to make a funny comment about Passions, sit down next to him pretending to watch, and the hug him tightly. He'd never expect it. It was my foolproof plan. I grinned like an idiot to myself as I stalked over to the couch.

I started, "So, what happened to Timmy this-"

When I looked at him, I stopped suddenly. His face was soaking wet, obviously with tears. I saw that the front of his shirt was a darker color, indicating that he had shed even more tears after wiping his face. He looked at me, eyes cold, and turned back to the TV. I knew it. He was crying...over Buffy.

"Oh Spike." I flung myself on him, hugging him so tightly.

He croaked out, "'S nothin'. Was just watchin' some Passions , and it just made me a lil' teary eyed."

I gave out a small laugh.

"You're such a crappy liar."

He chuckled and then sniffled a little bit, and then looked at me.

Buffy tiptoed down stairs and stopped when she heard Spike's voice sound...different. Like, like he had been... crying .

She crouched a little bit and saw me in his arms, while wewere talking. She froze and listened closely to what he was saying, extremely curious as to why a vampire ought to be crying.

"It's just...I just love her so bloody much. My heart can't take it much longer. First, I thought I would never see her again. But to see her here, now. I mean, don't think I'm not bleedin' thrilled about her bein' here. But, to see her in front of me once again, and to know what she thinks of me."

Buffy's face dropped. 'Well, he's never shown me a reason not to think that way...the buffy-bot...the things he does...it's creepy'.

"She thinks of me as a soulless monster. That I can never have feelings. That I'm incapable of loving. I'm such a git, wastin' my tears away like a bloody poof at the fact that I, a vampire, doesn't a have a chance with the Slayer."

'He didn't have a chance with me,'Buffy thought. But somehow the 'soulless vampirebad' argument was starting to get rusty.

I thought about what he had said...about not having a chance with her. But I understood why..I mean...she had learned, first hand...with Angelus, why she could never trust a soulless vampire.

"She knows that you love me. And that I love you." I said.

He chortled slightly. "So does she know about our wedding, Niblet?"

I gave him a confused look, but then it occurred to me that my phrasing had been a little weird. I swatted him, playfully. "No, silly. That's not the point."

Buffy almost giggled out loud at their misunderstanding.

"Spike. I love you. So much that my heart would burst if you weren't near me. And I know how happy you are right now, because I feel that too. Buffy is back! She's back! -as in alive and stuff. And I know that for you, this happiness comes hand in hand with misery. But I don't know what that's like. To love someone...and not have them love you back."

Buffy unconsciously sucked in a breath. She didn't know that I loved him THAT much, and that I felt for him THAT much. She pondered whether Spike actually DID have feelings. I mean, she had now seen it right before her own eyes. But she shut herself up to listen to everything I said.

Spike looked at me, eyes watering once more.

"You know why I can't understand," I continued. "It's because I have loved three people in my whole...ehh...how long has it been. Eight months of living? You, my mom, and Buffy. You have shown me what love truly is - enough for me to make a distinction between those I truly love, those I wouldn't be able to survive without, and those who I could survive without. And that itself shows, that you have the idea of love, that you hold your definition of love, and when you love, you love with all your heart. William."

I had grown up so much. And it was then that Buffy had realized that. That I wasn't some young, naïve kid who didn't know what she was feeling. It was now that she knew, that my opinions and my advice were worth listening to. She realized that I had been through a lot, more than she could imagine. And through those experiences I had grown and matured. Buffy knew it now. She felt it as I spoke. And she felt my words brainwashing her.

He had looked down for a second, but upon hearing his name spill out of my mouth, his eyes shot back up to meet mine.

"Yes, William." I giggled slightly, "I'm calling you that 'cause...there is still William inside you. And I bet that isn't normal for a vamp, but now ...I see more William in you than ever."

"From now on, it isn't going to be like it was two months ago. Too much has changed. With Buffy, with us, with the gang. Everything is different. It's a clean wiped, new slate. Even yours. I wiped yours clean for you today, in front of Buffy. She has always been too stubborn to open up to someone after Angel, let alone another vampire. But that will all change in time. I promise you this. That Buffy will recognize that you love her. She will recognize the man that you are...(I looked deeply into his eyes)...and the William that you have here." I placed my hand over his chest.

Buffy's eyes were darting everywhere, her mind spinning. 'Was Dawn really right? Was there something in Spike, that I had never seen before?' She knew there was a reason that I wouldn't let down on him. There had to be a reason why I cared for him. He must have been more than just a monster, for me to have acknowledged that. So that was when Buffy made up her mind. It was settled. She was going to give Spike a chance. She wasn't promising to have feelings for him, but she was promising that she would try to be friends with him.

I didn't know where the hell my little talk had come out from, but it look like it had worked. His eyes had dried up somewhat, and he just sniffled. Damn, I was good. But I kinda surprised myself with that speech. What was that like three whole minutes of me just going on and on? But I figured most of it made sense, at least in my head. But the point of that was to show him that he did matter to me, and that he would matter to her.

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. I pulled back, and he gave me an appreciative smile. He understood that it wasn't anything romantic, just a gesture out of kindness.

The look on Buffy's face, though, was priceless. 'What the hell. DID DAWN JUST KISS SPIKE?' But I could understand her reaction. And I definitely wouldn't have kissed him, had I known that she was watching!

I smiled at him, and said brightly, "Next time a Summers female kisses you, it won't be me."

He grinned back at me sheepishly. Buffy released a breath she was holding in, when she realized that Spike and my relationship was on a completely different plateau than any others. She was right. We were best friends, but we weren't in love. I wanted them two to be in love, but I couldn't force it. Buffy was at ease, knowing that Spike and I really _were_ only friends.

Buffy gave a small smile, although Spike and I didn't know she was there, and headed upstairs to go sleep in her bed.

------------------------------

"Get some sleep, lil' bit."

"You too, Spike."

"Uh, hello. Vampire. Sleep during the day."

"No you don't Spike! You hang out with me during the day, and sleep during the night!"

"Oh...uh...yeah."

I laughed and ran upstairs to go check on Buffy.

I opened the door to find her asleep in her bed. Her face was glowing in the moonlight. I had really missed her. I, myself crawled into bed next to her and kissed her cheek.

"I love you Buffy. Sweet dreams."

And when she wrapped her arms around me in return, my heart cried in joy.

**End of Chapter.**

**I AM SOO SORRY IF YOU GUYS GOT CONFUSED IN THE MIDDLE!**

**Please Review though! I didn't want to change POV's cuz I think you guys got confused last time I did that...so umm...yea...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I woke up really freaked out as my hand only felt an empty bed next to me. I looked over and saw no Buffy. For a second, tears welled up in my eyes. I thought that all of it had been a dream – Buffy coming alive. It was only me hallucinating. She was never here. I was still alone.

I jetted downstairs only to find her in the kitchen tossing some eggs onto a pan.

She was humming a tune. I could swear it was the song "Holding out for a Hero." Her humming broke out into singing. Not knowing I was there, she sang loudly.

"I need a hero!"

I just gazed at her, but suppressed my laughter and tears of joy.

"I'm holdin' out for a hero in the mornin' light! He's gotta be- Ah Dawn! ouuuuchh!"

That was my clumsy sister for-ya.

She had burned her finger and swore. Loudly.

"Oh great. Just what I need to make myself better. Hi, I'm Buffy with a big ugly burnt finger."

She pouted as I laughed, holding my stomach. I told her she was going to be just fine as I giggled some more and stuck her red finger underneath the cool water of the faucet.

I let myself bask in the feeling of her hand touching mine. She was really here. _It wasn't a dream_.

My thoughts drifted off and it suddenly occurred to me that my favorite vamp was probably still sleeping like a baby on the couch.

I gazed towards the family room where he had slept but Buffy said, "He wasn't here when I came downstairs."

"Oh." was all I said. "But, he'll be back later anyway, so we don't have to worry or anything."

I wasn't worried...just _disappointed _.

We had spent the whole day cleaning the house. We sorted through Mom's old things. That was something that we had put off for a long long time. But what she had said to me as we sorted through them, I will never forget.

"Dawn?"

"Yeah?"

"I believe you."

"Hmm?"

"I believe...th-that you...love...Spike."

"Oh Buffy. Thank you thank you thank you! I knew that you would." I pulled her into a hug, but she quickly pulled away.

"And I am gonna...try to..umm..be okay with him being here." She suddenly widened her eyes and made her point clear, "Not that...okay. I'm not saying I want to be with him...I need you to know that. I will try to...be friends with him. That's all I can offer you."

But hey, I said to myself, this was sooner than I had expected! It was great. It was progress. And I was lovin' it so far!. But wait...

"Buffy?"

"Yea?"

"What made you changed your mind?"

"Umm..well when you and Spike were talking last night."

Oh..she was there which means she saw me ...OH!

"Oh...what I did...It wasn't...It didn't mean anything. We're just-"

Buffy smiled.

"I know Dawnie, I know...But if it did mean anything, you would have known that I knew."

"Why's that?" I asked.

She put on the sweetest smile and said, "Because you would be dead!"

And we both burst out laughing at the idea of Spike and I being together. I pulled her into another embrace before we released and she stood.

"Well, we're done with the clothes and other personal belongings. Now let's attack the bills!" she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.

But it was weird. It felt weird. Buffy had never treated me this way before...it was different...she was acting different. She was...treating me...like I was an adult. Like I was someone she could trust and turn to. I smiled to myself but was utterly confused by her sudden change. I stopped walking behind her.

She noticed and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Why...are you treating me like I'm not some stupid brat?"

She stared at me and said, "Just the way you took care of me last night, and the way you took care of Spike."

She looked down and said in a softer tone, "You inspired me last night. And I never knew that you had grown up so much."

I inspired her? That was weird to hear. But I smiled and told her, "The growing up only happened after you were gone, so it wasn't your fault you missed it."

She gave me a weak smile. There it was again. I had been noticing it since yesterday. Her weak smiles. She would be cheerful for a while and then once in a while a sudden sadness would appear on her face. I didn't know why she wore that face, but I decided that now that she knew I wasn't a little girl anymore, she would tell me when she was ready.

After that, we did actually sort through our financial situation. It was pretty bad, and Buffy kept wondering how the hell Mom used to pay the bills. I told her I would get a job...that I could find one at a local Jamba Juice ( A/n: really good fruit smoothie place in Cali). They hired 16 and over. Buffy refused as I knew she would, but I insisted. There was no way that she could slay and work and finance and clean and cook and...the list went on. I was here for her, and I let her know, and Spike would be-...hey...Where was Spike?

"Buffy?"

"Yea?"

"I'm a little worried about Spike. It's dark outside and he still hasn't come back."

She just shrugged and was about to speak, but then noticed the genuine look of concern on my face. I really had started to get worried, and I wanted to go out and look for him.

"Hey," she said to me with reassurance. "Anyway, I have to go patrol. I'll look for him."

"I could come with?"

"A world of no!"

"But I thought you said I was all grown up- "

"Yea, but I never said you could patrol with me. There's a difference."

Damn. Well, at least I had tried. I watched her leave, and sighed. I really hoped she would find him. I was starting to miss him already.

She hummed "Holding out for a Hero" once more as she strolled through the cemetery. She was supposed to be slaying, but her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was focused on what had been bothering her from the beginning...from the very second she was back.

And that one thing was...being torn out of somewhere where she had been free, where she didn't have all this pressure on her and where she didn't have to slay and fight for her life every night.

She had been ripped out heaven...and now it felt almost as though she was in hell. All the things that were piled up on her. Her friends' feelings, all the bills, the slaying, spend time with Dawn, cooking, taking care of the house, and now, on top of all that she had piled on another task: being friends with Spike.

She couldn't take it anymore. _What the hell_. Literally.

As Buffy sat there in front of the grave, she stared ahead of her, agonizing over her bad fortune.

He had left before sunrise to go get things from his crypt and bring them to home, now that he was staying here. He had dropped off the stuff at home. I was so happy to see him. I had grown really worried for the past hour.

But as he stepped into the house, he was so unsure of himself. He was so worried as to whether I wanted him to live at home with me still, since Buffy was back. I laughed and told him that I really did want him to stay. He smiled at me, wider than I had ever seen.

Suddenly, I had realized that Buffy was probably still looking for him while patrolling, and told him to go find her and bring her back.

She was so caught up, she didn't sense a certain vampire in the shadows watching her.

Spike lurked in behind a tree watching Buffy lost in thought.

He saw the pained expression on her face and frowned wondering what was on her mind. He had seen that look on her face a few times last night. That look of distress, bother, and disappointment.

He scoffed silently and thought to himself _'Yea. She's lookin' real hard for me.'_ But as he shook his head at his stupidity, actually thinking that Buffy was concerned and looking for him, he didn't realize that a vampire had risen behind Buffy and she hadn't seen it or sensed it.

It lunged at her and tackled her to the grass. It sat on top of her and she stared wide eyed at the creature on top of her. She couldn't move. She didn't know why. It was like she didn't want to move. It was like she had given up, that this was her chance to die fighting. It wouldn't be like suicide...would it?

The vampire stopped and looked at her. "Slayer. Looks like you've lost your edge."

Tears slid down her cheeks as she commanded him to bite her. The vampire gave her a strange confused look, but she didn't see it to clearly because he was knocked off of her by someone else.

Spike dug his fist into the vampire's face multiple times before plunging the stake through its heart.

He got up, wiping the dust off his coat. He turned to find Buffy still lying on her back.

"What's the matter Slayer?"

Buffy quickly scrambled off the ground, and glared daggers at him.

"'Cause I could swear that that vampire was about to have you as his dinner."

Spike saw it behind all that anger. He saw the fear beneath those hazel eyes.

"What's wrong? Buffy, if you're in ... if you're in pain ... or if you need anything... or if I can do anything for you..."

"You can't. And I don't really want to talk about it."

With a sigh, he didn't push it. Buffy leant on a gravestone nearby, and Spike leant on the one right across. He dug at the dirt beneath him with his boot before saying what he had wanted to tell her for the longest time.

"I did what you asked me to."

Buffy looked up from her gaze towards the ground.

"I took care of Dawn, for you." He chuckled a bit before continuing. "It started out that way. I took care of her because you would have wanted me to. But-but then I started loving her. It had nothin' to do with you of course. She is such an angel."

He abruptly looked at her.

"You aren't going to stake me now are you?"

Buffy gave out a small laugh. "No I'm not...And I kinda believe that you love her."

Spike's eyes grew wide and he gulped. "You-you what?"

"I do."

"Oh."

There was a minute of silence before he spoke up again after much thought.

"I want you to know that I did save you."

"Hmm?"

"Every night I saved you, in all sorts of flashy ways with a bunch of nasty moves like throwing that pansy doc off the tower."

Buffy watched wide-eyed as a tear rolled down his cheek and his eyes were focused downward.

"Of course...I didn't save you when it mattered. I cried over you-your end. Every night and day."

Buffy spoke up softly.

"Maybe I didn't want to be saved."

Spike's head shot up to look at her shock.

"What? Why the bloody- "

"It doesn't matter. Let's just go home."

Buffy started walking swiftly towards home, but Spike ran in front of her and blocked her path.

"Spike, just let me go."

"No," he said strictly as he held her tightly by her arms. "Buffy there's something seriously bothering you, and you have to tell me what it is."

But Buffy had had enough of this. "Let go of me! Why are you so concerned anyway?"

"Do we have to go over this again?... I. Love. You…remember?"

"Oh please spike, save that crap. Having me cry on your shoulder about my sorrows doesn't mean you can be my best friend, nor does it give you an all access pass to get in my pants. I can't believe that you are such a pig! That's it, right? '_Ohh look at poor helpless Buffy. I think I'll go and act as her knight in shining armor so that she will fall straight into my arms!_' Well you know what Spike? You are just a disgusting monster, like you always have been. You maybe Mr. Nice Sweet Guy when it comes to Dawn, but no matter how grown up she is, she's always been biased towards you from the beginning. I'm the one with the level head who sees what you really are."

He took it all in. Every single cruel word etching into his skin like daggers. He felt them all and it stung and it hurt. He felt the tears cloud his eyes. Why was he such a bloody poof. Care about her and then get all his emotions thrown back in his face.

He held back his tears and spat his words out.

"You know _what _Slayer? .." He was about to continue but then bit back the remarks he wanted to bark back at her. Yelling back wasn't going to show that he was less of a monster and more human. He just did the only thing he could. He turned and walked out of the cemetery leaving Buffy in the mess of her own emotions.

'_Shit'_ Buffy thought. '_We're right on our way to becoming pals_.' She was just so confused. She knew Spike wasn't trying to come on to her or try to provoke emotions from her in any way. She just wasn't used to letting Spike be nice...letting him be friendly. It was a whole new world to her, and she wasn't ready to let anyone in…let anyone know what she had been through.

And to add a 'Nice Spike' on top of the mountain of things she had to accommodate to...was just too much.

Buffy let the tears fall in frustration, as she figured out what she needed to do first. Spike was the only one who she had told her problems to. For some reason, she felt like she could tell him, because he wasn't a part of the spell. He had listened and even tried to comfort her, and she had thrown all his actions back in his face.

She abruptly stood up and spoke into the air. "_Dammit. I better go find him. He didn't deserve that."_

After promising herself, she walked off in the direction she had seen Spike wander off before, determined to mend things between them.

**End of Chapter**

**A/n: sorry I haven't updated in soo long! OMG the next chapter is like my all time favorite! Please r&R**


	9. Chapter 9

**PLEASE READ THE lyrics!! Don't skip over them or else...the chapter won't have the same effect. **

**The song is _EVERYTHING YOU WANT by Vertical Horizon. So listen to it if you want while reading the chapter._**

**Chapter 9**

Buffy had looked just about everywhere for Spike. She had even come home and asked me if he was there. I could tell by the look on her face that she was stressed out.

"How about I make you some cool iced tea?"

I saw her contemplate it, but she shook her head and said, "No, but thanks Dawn. I think I'm just gonna head out-just for- yea a bit."

I nodded my head in understanding. I totally understood. She wanted to be alone, and it was fine with me. After all she had been through, she needed time to sort things out in her mind. She needed to find herself one more time...how she planned to do it...Well, right now I left that up to her.

* * *

She sat a table in the bronze. She had given up on searching for him. He would show up eventually, if not for her, he would come back for Dawn. She stirred her soda with her straw as she contemplated why she couldn't just drop her and Spike's differences and become friends. 

She looked up towards the stage where the band was playing. Her ears almost literally perked up as she caught on to the lyrics that were being sung.

**_Somewhere there's speaking  
It's already coming in  
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind  
You never could get it  
Unless you were fed it  
Now you're here and you don't know why  
  
But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
Past the places where you used to learn  
You howl and listen  
Listen and wait for the  
Echoes of angels who won't return  
  
[Chorus]  
He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why _**

She almost scoffed at the fact that the words were had hit her right on the mark, but she would never admit it. The song was basically a recitation of her current life situation. Spike had been her only true strength after coming back. He could sense what was wrong, and she felt comfortable talking to him. He was strong, pretty hot she settled, caring, LOVED HER, understanding, funny. Some how she kept trying to claw onto someway that she could like him, but she couldn't...and she couldn't understand why.  
**  
You're waiting for someone  
To put you together  
You're waiting for someone to push you away  
There's always another wound to discover  
There's always something more you wish he'd say**

Buffy thought to herself, 'Yeah like I wish he told me he didn't love me, so that I wouldn't have to go through all of this.' She sighed in frustration.  
  
**_[Chorus]_**

**_He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why  
  
But you'll just sit tight  
And watch it unwind  
It's only what you're asking for  
And you'll be just fine  
With all of your time  
It's only what you're waiting for  
  
Out of the island  
Into the highway  
Past the places where you might have turned  
You never did notice  
But you still hide away  
The anger of angels who won't return_**

'The angels won't return, because I've been ripped out of heaven,' she sulked, being reminded once again about her bad fortune.

Buffy suddenly felt a feeling of familiarity wash over her. She turned and saw him standing next to her, with the most vulnerable look she had ever seen. She didn't think that he would have ever come back to face her so soon...especially after all the horrible things she had said to him. She looked in his eyes, searching for any emotion, but found none. His eyes turned cold and for the first time...she was frightened.

As the band sung loudly in the background, however, all their past arguments slowly faded as they both let the lyrics sink in as though Spike was speaking to her through the song.  
  
**_[Chorus]  
I am everything you want  
I am everything you need  
I am everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
I say all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why  
And I don't know why  
Why  
I don't know_**

The song ended and everyone applauded except for Buffy and Spike who held their gaze.

Buffy felt the water rush to her eyes and melted into his chest clinging to him.

"Spike, I'm so sorry. Please. Give me another chance." She spoke softly, her voice slightly hoarse, but almost as though she was whispering into his chest.

Spike stood there, really unsure of what he was to do. He was expecting so many things. He was expecting 'Spike, what are you doing following me?' or 'Spike, you're still a pig, you're still a monster. Now leave!' or maybe pushing it...'Spike. Just forget about it OKAy?'. But NEVER in his unlife had Spike expected Buffy to be pulling him into an embrace. He didn't care whether he was mad at her or whether she was mad at him.

He wrapped his arms around her, and ran his hand through her hair multiple times, while comforting her with words.

"Luv, it's alright. I'm here....I forgive you...Stop cryin' Slayer, you're makin' me feel like a bloody poof...Buffy...god pet...you have so much on your mind already...forget about me...just let me help you...you're strong...you're brave...and I'll be here always to help you..."

She was here, in his arms, because she wanted to be...at least for now.

And it was more than he could have ever asked for.

**End of Chapter**

**Please R& R!**

****

**Sorry it's kinda short...but i wanted to post as soon as possible!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I didn't like how this chapter went before. It wasn't heading where I wanted it to go so I changed it.**

**Review Please!**

Chapter 10

She took one stair at a time heading down towards the basement. She landed with a plop on the ground, her hair bouncing like it always did in that perfect annoying way. I joked around with her about it...how a previously dead girl's hair was in so much better condition than my own.

"Hey."

He looked up from the book that he was reading and nodded, acknowledging her presence.

"Buffy."

He knew what she was there for, to ask him if he was ready for patrolling. They went out patrolling a lot...ever since that night when they came home laughing together from the Bronze. I felt as though some wall had been lifted between the two, since then, and there it was...the renewed chance for friendship between them.

"You...ready to go kill some vampires?"

He looked pensive fore a moment and spoke slowly, "No."

Buffy quickly replied, "Oh. Okay then," and was ready to go back up the stairs to hide her disappointment

"I wanted to spend

Buffy sighed with relief and smiled.

"Oh. That'll be nice. I'm sure Dawnie will be excited about it."

I was a speedy kid, had good hearing...not vampire hearing...but good hearing.

"What's that? Heard my name...and I if I can recall... I heard it twice" I called as I jogged down the stairs into the basement.

Spike gave me a grin.

"How'd you feel 'bout some good ol' Spike and Nibblet time?"

I jumped with excitement. It had been so long since Spike and I had had some time together, not that I didn't want Buffy there. But, it was just different with him alone, and I now knew that he felt it too.

"Fight Club?"

Damn that Brad Pitt. C'mon, who couldn't resist him?

"That's my girl. Fight Club it is."

That's right. Not even Spike could resist him.

Buffy just looked between us and rolled her eyes.

"Alright. Looks like there will be a serious reunion of some sort going on in the Summers slash...whatever-Spike's-last-name-is home. Well, I'm off. Have fun guys."

I was fast asleep around 3 in the morning, when Buffy finally came back home from patrolling.

Spike was watching TV on the couch, when she walked in.

"Hey. Dawnie asleep?"

"Yea. Poor Niblet couldn't keep her eyes open long enough to watch Tyler Durden get his brains blown out. That sucks."

Buffy rolled her eyes and laughed at his silliness. "I'm sorry for her loss," she replied sarcastically.

She turned around to head upstairs to her room, until Spike stopped her.

"Buffy. Wait…"

He stood up to face her and spoke.

"You have these moments where the frown beneath your smile is visible, like now. There is this constant sadness. I can see it, and I know there is something you aren't sharin'. And I've waited for you to share it, but I just can't stand here and let you just lock it up inside yourself forever."

Buffy turned herself to face him slowly, there were tears slowly forming in her eyes as she looked at him.

After minutes of silence between them Buffy spoke.

"I was happy."

Spike narrowed his eyes trying to decipher what she was saying.

Buffy continued, "I was…When I died…" She couldn't look him in the eye when she said it so she moved over to the couch and sat down, her hands folded together in her lap as she stared at her fingers.

"I felt free…at peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know?

Buffy turned her head to look at Spike. His eyes were full of concern, and she looked back down at her hands clasped together and continued, " And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven."

Spike moved over to where Buffy was sitting and crouched before her.

"Buffy…"

"Let me finish. Please?" she whispered desperately. "I need to get this out."

Spike tentatively reached out and patted her shoulder in a lame attempt to soothe her.

"I was in heaven and now I'm not." She let the tears fall freely. "I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ..."

She looked straight into his eyes as she spoke, "After knowing what I've lost...I don't know if I can get up every morning with a smile or live this life. I feel like want to die."

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"I dunno. Jus' felt like I needed to say that. I can never know what it felt like to be in heaven. I never did and never will say that what your so-called friends did was right, bringin' you back…messin' with dark magic. I can't tell you that life can be better than heaven. But all I can tell you is how I feel…how I felt….like it was the happiest moment of my existence when I realized that it was you on that tower. And I bet it's not just how I felt….but how all of them felt."

"I know, I know. You all love me. Every single one of you loves me. I know that. But I can't just keep living every day pretending that I have never known such peace and freedom," Buffy cried.

Spike soothingly replied, "And I'm not askin' you to. I'm sayin' you felt like everyone you loved was safe when you left, but hell when you came back you couldn't even recognize this bleedin' town. No one was okay here, and it wasn't just about coping with a death. It became about blame for some people. It became about guilt for others. It became shock for some and disaster for the rest. The world wasn't ready for you to not be here, and you were suddenly gone. You took the world by surprise. No one was prepared for you to not be alive."

Spike himself felt his eyes stinging with tears. "And now, as though it's some bleedin' miracle, your back… and none of us wanna let you go."

He half-heartedly chuckled as he spoke, " 'Cos we're all selfish bastards really."

He then looked up at her seriously, "When I thought that you were gonna jump off that tower again, I felt the events from four months ago play over in my head…how I failed you…failed Dawn…and you wouldn't have had to jump. I swore that if I let you go again that I would go home and stake myself right and proper."

Spike stood up and then sat himself on the couch next to Buffy.

"Buffy, let me help you. Actually, let us help you. I think you should forgive the scoobies, I never thought I would catch myself saying this, but let them back into your life. Take it step by step. If you let us that is…and if you allow this whatever this is…shoulder-to-cry-on-weird-friendship-between us to last, I promise that I will make your life worth living."

Buffy saw so much sincerity in his eyes as he spoke. He was truly promising her that life would be all up-hill from then on.

She wiped her tears and looked at him, "Okay."

"What are we 'okay'-ing again?"

"I'm saying 'Okay Spike, help me fix my life.'"

Spike smiled at her, and she giggled. For the first time it was a genuine giggle coming from her.

And suddenly before he could react, she was in his arms her head on his chest hugging him tightly.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you," he replied while awkwardly patting her on the back.

She sheepishly grinned at him after getting up and said goodnight. Half way up the stairs she stopped and said, "Spike, this thing between us…don't call it a shoulder-to- cry-on-weird-friendship-between-us, because it's not."

Spike looked down and all he could mutter was, "Oh."

"It's the start of a real friendship that I'm really sorry I didn't initiate earlier. Goodnight!"

All Spike could do was smile. It was a childish smile, and he felt like a fourth grader after his first kiss…

He chuckled…as if he could actually remember himself in fourth grade.

And as he slept, he dreamt of the wonderful breakfast he would make for Buffy and Dawn the next morning.

**Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n: this chapter is basically a different way of explaining how everyone found out about buffy being in heaven.**

People deal with death in all sorts of different ways. Like when mom died, Willow kept changing her clothes, Xander punched the wall, Tara stayed calm, and Anya didn't know what was going on. And I…I didn't know what to feel, what to believe, how to live the next moment.

I remember seeing her…or well, I guess it wasn't her; it was just her shell, her skin…her body. It didn't seem real. A mistake, I thought. The woman lying there wasn't mom. There was a resemblance, maybe, but she was looking so pale, so cold, and so distant. She seemed like she was a doll, made out of some rubber synthetic material. It was the first life-changing death that I had experienced.

And in a matter of weeks, I was able to say that I had experienced two life-changing deaths. No one should be able to say that. No one should have to watch two of their loved ones being lowered into the ground in the same year, and I think that's the real reason that I didn't attend Buffy's funeral. During mom's, I had Buffy to hold on to….to shield me from the horrible sight. But when there was no Buffy, when she was the one being put into the ground, who would I hold on to?

I remember when I ripped apart mom's photo to keep her from coming back, because Buffy told me she might come back wrong. Even then, I knew that Buffy and I would have never let her go, because if any part of her was mom we wouldn't have let her go. You aren't supposed to mess with the cycle of life and death. I often hoped that my mom was in heaven so that I was certain that I hadn't made a mistake of ripping that photo and stopping the spell.

See, that's the thing that bothered me. Willow and Tara had told me not to do the spell to bring mom back, not to mess with nature. And yet they, and the rest of them, when they were suffering after Buffy's death…they turned to magic, they set their eyes on magic to ease that pain and bring Buffy back. I could only call them cowards.

Giles came back from England. I could tell he didn't know whether to be overjoyed or furious that the spell had been done. I didn't blame him because I thought the three of us that didn't participate in the spell felt that way. I call Willow's doings hypocrisy, but then again I wouldn't ever tell anyone about what I call their doing's…because none of it matters. All I cared about is the fact that Buffy is back.

And then I thought to myself, 'How selfish can you be, Dawn?' Especially after knowing how happy Buffy was…she was in heaven. Yea, I found out about that. We had our first 'Buffy-included-Scooby-meeting' where she told us. It was so hard for her.

I remember feeling my blood boil. How could they have just done the spell like that, without trying to find out where Buffy's soul was? It was ignorance…no, it was stupidity, it was just idiocy. I didn't talk to Willow or Xander or Tara or Anya.

Giles, Spike, and I gave Buffy a hug and told her that we'd be waiting for her outside to go home. She understood. She knew that the people who she was really trying to tell, about where she had been, were those who had done the spell.

I almost felt bad for them…_almost._ But I didn't and so I walked out on them. But I guess Buffy was feeling a little more compassionate that day, partly due to the talk that she and Spike had had the previous night.

And I guess at home, before coming to the Magic Box, she had thought about what she would do when she faced them all, because after the tears, hugs, and apologies, I could see that all Buffy wanted were her friends back. They stood together in one big hug. Anya, too. And _even I_ began to smile.

All Buffy wanted was the life she had before her death…basically, she wanted to live. She wanted to live without the dark clouds looming over their friendship, without the resentment between them.

And after that, I looked up to her more than I ever had before. What Willow and the others had done was a serious risk and had a huge consequence. To forgive them for such a big mistake was something truly noble and honorable.

And it was then I decided that if Buffy could forgive them…

… then I could, too.

**I hope you guys are enjoying this. If you aren't please leave me suggestions! And even if you are, please review!**


End file.
